Sunday, February 14, 2010
This is the first time that I haven't been home for Chinese New Year. A lot has changed in just the past few months. My aunt's passing meant that there won't be any more happy new years for my mom, because she and my aunt used to do everything together. We used to spend all major holidays together and even most weekends together. Now that my aunt is not around, my mom has been missing her very much and probably even more than I will ever imagine. I remember every year during Chinese New Year I would look forward to the 3 of us, mom, my aunt and I, buying flowers together from the nursery. We'd choose pots and pots of chrysenthemum, orchids etc and bunches and bunches of cut flowers. My aunt, being the artistic person that she is, would arrange them in lovely vases and place them all over our house as well as hers. This year since I've been working and was not able to go home for new year, my mom had to go to the nursery alone. I can imagine how difficult it was for her and it pains me greatly to think that I wasn't there for her when she needed me for emotional support.I think, all the time, that I'm being very selfish for not wanting to go home to be with my family. Because that would mean finding a job all over again, working very, very hard (this is Singapore, my friend), and also being away from Juin. Because of this I chose to sacrifice time with my family in order to pursue my goals. In life, there are never right or wrong choices, just difficult ones. I wish I had it all, like some, but then if that's the case I'd always take everything for granted then, wouldn't I? I do unconditionally and dearly love my family and will return for good - it's just a matter of time. I hope to be home by the time my parents retire. Hopefully by then Juin and I would have become more established in terms of our career as well as become more mature and will be looking for some stability in terms of starting a family. If there's one thing that my aunt's passing has taught me, it's that we can never exchange the time and love that we have with our loved ones with anything else. It is the most precious and invaluable resource we will ever have in this world.That being said, we did have a nice little 'reunion' dinner with a few friends over steamboat. We even did the whole yusheng-lo hei thing and stuffed our faces till we could stuff no more. It was fun and I really appreciated their company, because maybe I was trying to fill the void I had because I wasn't at home and things weren't the same as they used to be anymore.Today is the first day of CNY and coincidentally, Valentines' Day. Juin and I spent it exactly the way we wanted: Stress-free. After a day of hectic preparation yesterday, we were determined to take it easy today, because unlike some lucky people in other parts of the world, we don't get a long weekend. Juin is an amazing person. No matter how much I nag or yell at him sometimes (because he does get on my nerves), at the end of the day he will apologize for pissing me off even if it's really my fault. His heart is so big that he forgives easily and loves wholeheartedly, and for that I am thankful, because I don't think I deserve that sort of unconditional love sometimes. Whenever I'm down I can always expect a big hug and reassurance from him - he makes me feel safe, and with him I know that even if the sky falls down I won't be hurt, because he will be there protecting me, and it is an amazing feeling. Everyone should be that lucky. Last but not least, I thank God for everything, especially my loved ones (that includes friends!), every day. In a crazy hectic world, they make my life so much better.And for that, I am ever grateful.
Yinny was Joshing around @ 7:41 PM
