Little Toy Ships v2

Thursday, November 05, 2009

It's been a month

Dearest EE,

It's been a month since you've been gone and things are still the same. Feels like just yesterday that I was still massaging your legs and talking to you and you smiling at me. I think many of us have not moved on - definitely not Ma and I. Ma called me up last night to tell me that because her life has revolved around you for the last 2.5 years, she feels empty now, especially when she has free time, she thinks of the times you and her spent together.

I understand because I feel the same too, although I've been away for so long that I remember the precious 2 months that I had with you best. You are always with me in my thoughts, even when I am temporarily distracted by work or other things, whenever I have an idle moment, be it sitting in the train on the way to work or before going to bed, you are there with me every single time.

People say that no one is indispensible, but you are irreplaceable, at least in my heart. I still feel that gaping hole and sometimes I'm in this place where I'm all alone, wondering what it would be like if you hadn't contracted cancer. You would have seen Tian Ji and Zheng Xi go to Uni. I know you wanted the world for them, like every mother does for their children. You would have retired and gone to see more of the world like you always enjoyed, with Ma and Uncle Kog. You would have come to my wedding - you promised me that you would - I badly wanted you to meet Juin so that he can see why I idolize you so much. You would have held my children and loved them with all your heart like you love me and all your nephews, nieces, grand nephews and grand nieces.

I think of these things and it hurts so much because every day that you are not around I feel a day lost. I had so much faith in God that He wouldn't take you because you are the last one to ever deserve to have to go through so much pain and suffering. I watched you every day and my heart broke into a million pieces, but I could do nothing but watch helplessly from outside. I am so, so sorry that your last 2 and a half years were spent in and out of hospital, needles sticking everywhere, operations, medication, hair loss etc until eventually your condition deteriorated until you did not even have energy to speak, let alone move. I know you hated these things so much. You deserved so much more but you didn't get to enjoy it, that's what kills me the most.

I hope you are happy now and not feeling too lonely without us there in Heaven. Just know that we miss you dearly and will always, always love you.

Love,
Yinsy

Yinny was Joshing around @ 7:50 PM

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